Is Your Marriage Bitter or Better?
As you reflect and celebrate your marriage this Valentine’s Day, are you bitter or better because of the spouse you chose? Let us evaluate your answer according to the Word of God.
God’s plan for marriage is very clear in His Word.
Genesis 2:21-24 – 21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
God’s standards for Marriage are very clear in His Word.
Ephesians 5:22-31 – 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
Years ago, my husband and I taught marriage classes. There were numerous reasons given for failed marriages. However, I can give you the root cause of it all with one word: Selfishness! This may seem too simple to be true, but the root cause of every marital problem stems from selfishness from one or both partners.
Ask yourself: “What would my marriage be like if I put my spouse first all the time?”
Now imagine what you could have by putting God first in your marriage. With God first, you are united as one (the two shall become one flesh)!
Love is a choice! – Pure and simple.
Marriage is work – BUT GOD!
God teaches us as we go!
What makes a marriage great?
- COMMITMENT is the key to an enduring marriage! Commitment to God and to each other is what will pull us through the difficult days, and which will empower and enable us to grow together.
- Love is spelled T-I-M-E. Make one another a priority.
- Encourage and affirm one another.
- Do not communicate in anger, while sick or tired.
- There must be compromise and forgiveness.
- Keep a good sense of humor. “A merry heart does good, like medicine.” (Proverbs 17:22)
My husband and I are so opposite that we must be intentional about getting along; we must be intentional in our decision to stay together for the long haul. We are so opposite that a dear friend wrote a song for us on a mile-stone anniversary, entitled “Camo and Lace”.
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One thing that will hinder a marriage is if one or both of you are broken vessels. If you are broken, you feel unworthy. It can be caused by sin, rejection, being made to feel unlovely, or just plain empty inside. You must allow God to heal you in order to have a healthy relationship in your marriage. And it is God who does the healing, you cannot fix one another. I know.
There was a season in our marriage that I was constantly praying for God to change my husband. One time I clearly heard God say, “Why don’t you let Me deal with him and you give Me you.” My emotions were screaming “What?” I have since learned that there was much wrong with me.
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Psalms 46:10 – “Be still and know that I am God”.
“Be still” means “let go” in the original Hebrew. Let go of trying to control your spouse and the need to change them; and let God control their heart.
Our English version of Be Still is to keep quiet, which is best when our emotions are too high to speak.
When we do what we know to do – there is peace in our relationship, our marriage.
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May I give a piece of advice? We are not to manipulate to get our way with one another. It is our job to build trust and safety within our relationship. We need to build one another up, not tear one another down.
Which also means: Watch your words.
Many of us make comments about our marriage in a joking fashion. But again, at this season of my life, I see comments like that are disrespect against your partner. So, keep this in mind. Words cannot be taken back; it causes broken hearts and puts a wedge between man and wife. Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical abuse but lasts longer.
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The number one goal for a blessed marriage is keeping God at the center of your life! When both of you are doing this, you will feel that fervent love, agape love, for one another.
God always makes a way for our marriages to succeed and to help with it all, He activates mercy and grace for our benefit. So, speak mercy and grace to your marriage every day.
Colossians 3:12-15 – 12 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. 14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. 15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.
Take notice of the words “put on”. First, we must choose to put on these attributes. Secondly, these are action words, we must do them.
Colossians 3:18-19 – 18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
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One last piece of advice I want to share is: Do not take one another for granted! Make each moment count! Many people would tell you the same thing after losing their spouse. I had two widows tell me that they wished they had another day to pick up their husband’s socks, carry their dishes to the sink; another day to say I love you and receive their husband’s hugs. I never want to forget that!
Make your spouse a priority of your day, starting again, TODAY!
Make God the center of your marriage and ensure you and your spouse are getting better, not bitter.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!
Notes:
- If you are new to this blog, please understand that I have a ministry in discipleship, so I challenge you and encourage you to grow in your personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
- All scripture is taken from NKJV unless otherwise noted.
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